Just a few months ago, Lord Sugar reported that pregnant women should disclose this ‘particular’ during interviews. It is the old adage: pregnant women are a burden for a company. Is this really the case? With the changes in the Paternity Leave Regulations and the employment law reforms announced in the Queen’s Speech the rules of the game are changing. However the cultural shift has not taken place yet.
I have plenty of friends whose career has stalled (not to say became nonexistent) because they ‘dared’ to have a child and to take maternity leave.

What should pregnant women do in order to conciliate their desire to start a family and to pursue their career? In my +15 years experience as an employment law professional, I have devised several strategies that are very effective for women:

1. Pregnant women should not disclose their status (being pregnant) up to when they have to notify their employer by law of their pregnancy in order to benefit of their statutory rights. This behaviour is not sneaky: it is a smart and its a commercial decision. Many employers will unfairly consider you ‘out of the game’ as soon as the word pregnancy is mentioned.
2. Women should be strategic when it comes to their pregnancy and maternity leave: Always state that you are going to return to work, even if at this stage you are not sure about it. At all times leave the door open.  Lots of thing can happen during your maternity leave.
3. Women should apply for promotions even if pregnant: more senior positions mean more flexibility in terms of how women can use their working time. As long as you reach you targets, you are not as heavily scrutinised as more junior individuals. Again, this is not being devious, it is about pursuing your career and making the best out of it. The more senior you are, the more indispensable you would be.
4. Women should plan with their partner who is going to take leave: more and more women are now the main breadwinners in their families and fathers can take additional paternity leave to look after the baby. Childcare and leave are not a ‘women’s only issue’ anymore. In the recent Queen’s Speech it has been confirmed that women will have the possibility to swap parental leave with their partners.
5. Employment law reforms are due to change the landscape as both men and women will be in the position to take time off to look after the newborn. However, there is still a stigma affecting men taking time off to look after their child as this is not deemed a ‘macho’ choice. Culture will change and also company practices. HR practitioners need to be proactive and facilitate this transition to avoid losing out on their competitors and failing to attract and retain both female and male talent.

Is there the possibility of being promoted in your company and you are pregnant? Go for it. What matters are your skills, abilities and experience.

My presentation reflected on the past two years talent management strategy I have implemented at Hotel du Vin & Malmaison. I had brought along Will Harper, one of our employees, identified as talent within our organisation – someone who has been through the programme. Naturally I was upstaged. The audience really picked up on the pride and passion Will conveyed when he told the audience about his experiences, after being identified as talent and developed as a consequence.

Talent management pitfalls

After the presentation we were congratulating ourselves and basking in our applause and took the lift with one of the attendees. It’s her words that resonated most with me and showed that the good bits of talent management are industry wide and so are the common pitfalls.

She simply said that there was a lack of buy in to the performance management process used because the outputs weren’t followed up (ie the learning and development outputs). I always believe it’s the final 10% of any project that makes the difference which is why this comment struck home.

The talent strategy I inherited

When I joined the organisation there was a talent management programme in place called rising stars. Hotel managers were asked to nominate a ‘rising star’ and these 80 individuals were then invited to attend a development day. The development day comprised a number of presentations from the directors and the attendees were asked to design a poster around the company values. After this the rising stars were recognised by the directors when they visited the hotels. There was board level buy in to the programme and a good number of those identified as talent had been retained so a fairly successful strategy.

When I started I was given the names of the rising stars and met them during my tour of the hotel. I asked them the question ‘what does it mean to a rising star’. Generally the responses indicated that they appreciated the recognition but had expected more to happen. I therefore made the following changes to the strategy:

Linking identification of talent to the performance appraisal

The previous selection process was subjective and not based on specific criteria. To fix this I worked with talent toolbox (the online appraisal and talent management tool I swear by). We changed the performance criteria people were assessed against so that they it was more relevant to all the jobs in the organisation. We ran focus groups targeting departments that had low completion rates on the performance appraisal and agreed a description of what great looked like within the organisation. The result of the changes meant that when we ran the performance appraisal process again completion rates for the group jumped from 78% to 98%. Feedback received was that the content was more relevant and the forms were quicker to complete because they were more streamlined.

From the performance reviews the software produced a list of people classed as high performance and high potential and this list was ratified by the hotel managers, directors and also the board. Those who remained on the final list were invited to a series of development days (no more than 15) however this time the day involved asking the attendees to participate in assessment activities designed around the performance appraisal behaviours.  Because we reviewed each activity with the group during the day the result was a highly impactful experiential learning day. This way we could benchmark talent and ensure there weren’t any soft conversations taking place during the reviews.

From the day we sifted our talent into the following categories:

• Shooting star: could go all the way in our business
• Shining star: ready for promotion to next level
• Rising star: suitable for recognition but not advancement

The vital next steps and the final 10%

Those identified as talent received individual feedback from the development day and a personal development plan was put together, a structured development programme was established for each level in the organisation to refine the skills and behaviours of our talent and help them achieve career progression.

Each development programme finished off with a presentation to the board on the outcomes of their work based project, this allowed the directors to compare the before with the after, thereby reinforcing the return on investment.

The careers of our rising stars are now tracked and we have an online profile of all the talent so the hotel managers and directors can read about the talent and contact them when they have job opportunities come up and making our talent very visible.

Structured development & talent programme

Talent management isn’t just about recognition and if we ask the operation to review their teams it’s important we deliver a return on investment of their time.  Structured development should back up any talent programme.

• Make sure you have a clear description of what talent looks like to avoid subjectivity.
• Performance appraisals should add value but should not be onerous in terms of time.

Our retention of talent is 95%, so could yours

• Cost per hire is £118 per person hired, down £100 and this is a result of promoting from within.
• Labour turnover is down year on year by 7% for the group and our staff survey tells us this is because people believe they have access to training.

In my experience of working with women globally, their feeling of needing to ‘do it all’ and ‘do it all well’ is unanimous. And if the pressure to juggle jam-packed home lives with getting a promotion, wasn’t stressful enough, researchers also believe that this desire to balance home and work causes a significant decline in happiness.

Wellbeing & village of support

So why at a time when we have more opportunities to progress our careers do we feel sadder? There is a school of thought that suggests it might be a women’s desire for balance that is behind some of these statistics. That the pressure society and we put on ourselves to be good at everything has a detrimental impact on our well-being.

So what does this mean for those women striving to move up the career ladder? Firstly, you can’t do it all alone. You need other people to help keep the balls moving. Researchers Ezzedeen and Ritchy, call this a ‘village of support’. Secondly, that the secret to success might be in creating ‘imbalance’ and this is where strengths can help.

One of the distinguishing features between men and women during their 30s and 40s is that men report being both more directive and strategic with their career decisions. They predominately do two things differently:

1. They don’t get busy just ‘doing’ or being helpful. They are more selective with their career choices and more vocal with their expectations.

2. They don’t wait until they have acquired the confidence and skills before putting themselves forward for promotion, they take more risks and self promote more easily.

So what does this mean for women?

My advice to women is to look at their strengths and learn how to use them to best effect.

Strengths are defined as having three specific components: energy, performance and use.

This simple three step process helps individuals to identify that if they spend a lot of time working on things which they perform well at, but have to do, will actually drain their energy.

In Capp’s model, we would call this a ‘learned behaviour’. Drawing continually on our learned behaviours, has a detrimental impact on our energy and could be one of the reasons that our happiness decreases.

My recommendation to emerging female leaders seeking to maximise their strengths, is to spend less time trying to do a lot of things ‘ok’, but actually to do less better.

Some of the ways that women can achieve this imbalance is by:

1. Tilting

Know your strengths and seek to work more on activities and in roles which expose your strengths. Others will then see you perform well but will also note your energy and passion for what you are doing. In a Capp study of the highly engaged, I noted that engaged individuals using their strengths 70% of any given week. Challenge yourself to do more of what you love and to find strategies to work around the areas, which you find draining.

2. Being you

Female leaders are expected to be more congruent than their male colleagues. When you lead using your strengths others perceive you as more authentic. Reflect on the strengths which you believe have been with you across your life and career to-date. How can you make sure that through how you lead these strengths are protected, nurtured and developed so they are part of your unique brand of leadership? What do you want to be known for?

3. Aligning strengths to action

It is often the case that we see our greatest area of growth being in our areas of greatest weakness, but it is in fact in using our strengths. Take time and engage others in helping you to identify your rich tapestry of strengths; including those you use a lot (realised) and those you use less (unrealised). Then set about challenging yourself to align your different strengths to different activities inside and outside of work. Our research, shows that you will achieve your desired goals and outcomes quicker.

Strengths-based female leadership development helps women to develop their confidence and authenticity. It also provides them with a language to develop their own specific leadership brand. Developing our strengths could be seen as just another ball to keep moving, but focusing on our unique gifts rather than trying to be well rounded has career and life benefits.

So ask yourself, what can you stop doing today so you can use your strengths more tomorrow?

But what about when you’re at the other side of the desk? If you’re the interviewer, how should you dress to convey the right tone and ensure the candidate walks away with the correct impression of your company?

We recently received the following query from a Changeboard reader:

Q: Hello, I work for a small company. We are currently recruiting new talent. I was wondering, what is the appropriate or recommended attire for interviewers? I’ve found countless articles that discuss the interviewee’s dress, but very limited information for employers. Thanks.

Jonathan Wiles, director at Michael Page Human Resources, offers this advice:

Set realistic expectations

It’s all down to your company’s day-to-day dress code and setting realistic expectations of life in the office for a potential new employee. If you arrive to interview a candidate and you’re wearing a full suit, but you normally wear jeans to work, the type of day-to-day working environment may not be portrayed accurately to someone who is investigating joining your team.

What’s your employer brand?

In a short-skilled or niche markets, in particular, interviewers are increasingly expected to ‘sell’ the benefits of their role and organisation to candidates. While this is mostly about setting out the unique selling points of the business and opportunities available, it also involves being clear about how your brand is perceived by the market.

If you’re a small business, it’s possible that there isn’t the perception of you as an employer of choice as you’re not well-known. So, the process of communicating and defining your employer brand to potential new employees may be something that starts at the interview process.

First impressions count

Given that people form impressions based on what’s communicated, both verbally and non-verbally, how you portray your business in attire terms is often as important as what you actually have to say about it.

Think about how you (and your organisation) want to be perceived by someone you’d like to hire, and dress to reflect that when you meet them for an interview. If the environment is heavily client-facing, for example, and your clients expect to see your employees in formal work wear, then arrive at the interview in a suit. But, if jeans and t-shirts are the norm in the office and you want to portray a more casual atmosphere, mirror this in your interview outfit.

Remain professional

The same advice applies to both those hiring and looking to be hired though – keep it professional. Even in a more casual environment, ensure that your appearance doesn’t let your employer brand down. If in doubt, it’s better to be over-dressed than under-dressed.

About Jonathan Wiles

Jonathan is the managing director of Michael Page Human Resources and Page Personnel Secretarial & Business Support. He originally started with the company as a consultant in 1991, working between the marketing and sales divisions. He moved to Australia in 2006 where he managed Michael Page Human Resources, Legal, Marketing, Retail and Technology businesses. Jonathan returned to the UK in January 2011.

Do you have a recruitment question?

Are you a job seeker or employer with a recruitment related query? We have a panel of top industry experts to answer your questions. From job seeking dilemmas, CV advice, interview tips, recruitment insight or personal branding queries, send in your comments and we’ll source an expert to advise.

Email me: mary@changeboard.com

We look forward to hearing from you.

Examples of people with a signature style

I have met a few ‘real people’ who have mastered this art too…like Silla Maizey, managing director of BA Gatwick; whose long bright red nails and completely distinctive make-up and hair cut makes her stand out and still look very much like ‘Silla’ even when she occasionally has to wear the BA uniform. Her signature style screams unique, strong and dynamic.

There is Jane Sunley, CEO of learnpurple who is never seen without her black tailored suit / dress and incredibly high heels (that she has no problem walking in) – which says professional, direct and confident.

What about Sean Wheeler, area director of HR at the Dorchester Collection whose funky glasses, well fitted suits and colourful ties are a staple uniform of sorts – letting us know he is successful yet approachable.

Why should you bother with a signature style?

Personal branding is about standing out in your industry or workplace; and what better tool is there, than being synonymous with not only a particular look, but your values, because they are so perfectly represented by that particular look?

Once you are clear about what your personal brand is all about, and when you know what attributes or part of your character you want people to associate with you, you can then work out a style that can help you to communicate this to everyone you meet.  And doing it consistently will reinforce the message.

The benefits of creating a signature style are:

1. Your values and personality are constantly and visually represented.

2.  You are easier to remember!

3.  Getting dressed becomes easy because you have almost created your own type of uniform.

(This doesn’t have to mean you wear the exact same thing every day – like Steve Jobs – it could simply be you have a particular style, like Richard Branson’s informal way of wearing a suit and shirt, or a particular accessory like Coco Channel and her red lipstick and string of pearls.)

4. Consistency is one of the most important indicators of professionalism.

Ideas for creating a signature style

Some ideas that could become part of your signature style:  glasses, a specific colour, necklaces, a particular type / style of tie, a tie clip, particular cufflinks, scarves, shoes, hairstyles, a general way of dressing (e.g. very tailored, creative, etc) and so on.

Signature style is important to me, it even became part of my logo!  What is your signature look?  Do you know anyone with a signature style?  I would love to hear your thoughts!

Jodi

Nick Hart, head of CSR for Turner Broadcasting, recounts a story of how he led a group of volunteer employees to Rwanda for a week to help build a school in 2010, but came across a boy with a cleft palate. A boy whose life had been ravaged by this facial disfigurement, lacked self-confidence, and didn’t fit in among his peers. Moved by this scene, Nick, on behalf of Turner, arranged for an operation to take place. A few months later after his visit, Nick received a heartfelt letter and a photo of a joyful, happy boy flashing the warmest smile. At this moment, Nick’s eyes begin to mist and he chokes up. No need for words, his emotional response says it all – a young life, transformed, forever.“The potential for employers to ‘do good’ is enormous and you don’t need lots of cash to make it happen,” Nick states. “Through CSR, you can change peoples’ lives.”

Incubating CSR

Having joined the organisation in 1999 where he was responsible for PR for the company’s entertainment channels including Cartoon Network and TCM, he then jumped at the chance to take on the role of head of CSR when it came up in June 2006. He had a free reign to build CSR into the lifeblood of the company.

Nick is based in the London office with a staff of 550 and employees are given 16 paid hours off to volunteer, as well as the opportunity to raise funds and take a week off to build a school in Africa, once a year. When he first signed up to the role he admits it was a bit of a struggle to get CSR off the ground as employees weren’t used to the concept of volunteering. However, last year, over 180 staff took part in various projects that outreached to diverse members of the community.

Diversity

“Volunteering helps staff to broaden minds and open up their eyes,” explains Nick. “By witnessing the positive impact they have created, they help spread the word that volunteering is an incredible way to give back to the community.” Nick puts on a range of workshops and volunteering projects so that there’s something that will appeal to everyone. It also helps staff to engage with a diverse population and meet members of society they may not come across often. He believes that volunteering is rewarding and creates impact. Working for Turner provides the ‘feel good factor’ for employees. The organisation is not just seen as a corporate machine but that it also has heart.

Teambuilding and networking

Staff are encouraged to take part in any of the volunteering opportunities so employees from different parts of the company get to mix. A junior member of the team maybe volunteering alongside a vice president. “Volunteering is a great way for our employees to network within the business and is a useful way of progressing peoples’ careers because the experience builds lasting friendships,” explains Nick.

CSR is communicated as part of the interview process and at the monthly staff induction day. There’s also a dedicated CSR website, blog and news. http://www.ammado.com/company/turnerbroadcastingemea

Ever thought about mentoring? According to Andy Coxall, who carried out a year-long mentoring placement with Chance UK, a charity that works with 5-11 year old children who have behavioural problems, it gives you ‘soul food’.

So why did Andy offer to spend a year mentoring an eight year old boy who had been emotionally abused, suffered mental as well as health issues and had mood swings that descended into red mists?

Andy wanted to feel he could make a real difference and while looking for a volunteering opportunity outside of work, a friend suggested he sign up with Chance UK. He says: “I felt by mentoring a young boy who lacked a positive male role model for a year would have a much more long lasting impact on his life. I also believe that by providing early intervention can help to create change.”

Why did you decide to mentor?

What difference do you think your mentoring placement has had on this young person’s life?

What did you learn about yourself through mentoring?

What advice would you give to other people thinking about mentoring?

Andy Coxall, 30, was born in Japan. His father is British, and his mother, Japanese. At the age of three he was brought over to England and his family settled in a small town in Oxfordshire. “I grew up with British/Japanese influences. My parents bridged two cultures but I didn’t quite fit into either. When you’re a kid, everyone wants to feel normal, it wasn’t a big deal but I was always aware I was different from everyone else,” says Andy.

From the age of eight, Andy was sent to Japan to stay with his cousins during his summer holidays and attended summer school with them. “The days were long,” he recalls. “We had to be at school for 7am so we could clean it before lessons started. We also took it in turns to prepare, cook and serve lunch to our class. Then in the evening my cousins were sent off for private tutoring.”

Unfairness in the world

Andy admits that it was a culture shock. It provided him with his first insight that the lens in which he viewed the world was limited and what you see is only a slice that is determined by your own upbringing. However, the defining moment in his life was when aged 14, his dad, who practiced as a professor for the School of Oriental and African Studies in London, took him to Indonesia on a visit. He recalls stark images of a dead woman lying on the side of the street and no-one paying any attention to the body as if it didn’t exist. “I had never seen real poverty before. I was shocked and horrified,” he says. “It was an eye-opener and I suddenly became aware that there is unfairness in the world – it hit me hard.”

Cultural baggage

He went on to study social anthropology at Edinburgh University in 2001. “There is this sense of superiority over other people at times, in some ways we can even be inherently racist where we cast or make a value judgment about the way other people lead their lives without even knowing it.” He refers to this as ‘cultural baggage’ as the notion that everyone carries pre-conceptions about how we expect others to live their lives according to our own collective rules of society – but it’s not explicit. “Looking at other cultures and belief systems forces you to unpick the way you see the world and gives you the ability to see the bigger picture and make sense of all the sides so you can respect and appreciate other peoples’ views and beliefs – there is no clear cut answer of what is right or wrong, it’s about finding understanding.”

After graduating, Andy took a year out to travel South America in October 2006 and spent two months volunteering on a street kid programme (Awaiting Angels) in Cusco, Peru, where he found it hard to reconcile that the children he came into contact with would never be able to follow their ambition or hopes and they were caught up in a poverty trap.

It comes as no surprise then that Andy’s moral code includes a burning passion to foster a fairer and equal society. Following his travels, Andy joined Common Purpose, a not-for-profit leadership development organisation where he is now curriculum director for the organisation and so we get back to the heart of this story – changing lives.

Sit in someone else’s bubble

“We become better informed by sitting in someone else’s bubble, rather than our own, to see what real issues are faced by others on the ground. We need to pull together to create a more equal society. We can only get to understand different realities of other lives by gaining direct insight ourselves – who are we to judge.”

Q. Why should I get out of my comfort zone and take a career risk?

A. It’s not so much as getting out of your comfort zone as finding the right one to jump into which will provide you the courage and confidence to take that risk and follow your career dreams.

Q. How can you set your own goals?

A. If you can think ahead into the future and determine what you really want from life, what you would like to be remembered for, you will find it a great deal easier to set your own goals. Long-term thinking puts you in charge of yourself, because you know where you ultimately want to end up and this helps you to set the right shorter-term goals to get you there.

Q. How can I juggle personal interests outside of work?

A. Most people have learned to be quite good jugglers. When work takes much of your time, it is absolutely essential to learn to give yourself permission to take time off. It’s all about adapting your juggling skills and if you can set aside some time to enjoy your social and family life, you will not get stale at work, nor will you resent long working hours with no let-up.

Q. How can you give yourself an MOT health check

A. When you are in the thick of it, checking out your feeling of wellbeing from time to time on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is feeling absolutely lousy and 10 is feeling on top of the world, can be really helpful. If your scores start to decrease, or were never very high in the first place, then it’s a good idea to come to a standstill, take a quick breather and start to think why things no longer seem to be as good as they were.

Just stopping and taking stock is the first step in giving yourself an MOT. Once you have clearly identified why things are not going so well, you can regain control by thinking constructively about what you might practically do to remedy things, and you will soon find yourself back on track.

Q. What wellbeing tips do you offer?

A. Getting your body and mind to function in harmony is the real secret of wellbeing. By working on the physical and the psychological in tandem, you can achieve an optimum level of wellbeing.

Physically: eat healthily and take a form of exercise that suits you. This way you will help your body function correctly, so that your mind stands a chance of also working effectively.

Psychologically: adopt an ‘internal locus of control’. In other words, tell yourself that you are in charge of ‘you’ and that you are responsible for pretty well everything that happens to you and how you are feeling. Once you have it in your head that you are in charge, it is much easier to regain your feeling of wellbeing.

Q. Why are values important?

A. In a fast-moving world, things can be become turbulent difficult, and the rug can easily be pulled from under you. Your personal values provide you with a sturdy anchor to cling on to. They are your set of standards which steer the way you want to live your life and work with others.

Q. How can you realise your dreams?

A. The first step is to do some day-dreaming to uncover your dreams. Once you know what your dreams look like, you work backwards, making a plan of the things you need to do and the things you need to stop doing in order to achieve your dreams. It’s a bit like when going on holiday. You have some fairly prosaic things to do, such as packing and booking your flights, in order to make sure you experience your dream holiday. The formula for success is to remember that by doing the mundane things, you are building the foundations for achieving your dreams.

Q. Can you explain the different drivers of motivations?

A. Your emotional drivers are those internal psychological cogs which help you work well when they are well-oiled and in good working order. When you are working under stress, they can easily go into overdrive and you become over-motivated, and paradoxically less productive. To harness your drivers, you need to focus on your essential tasks. This puts you back in charge of yourself, enabling your former productivity to return.

Q. How can I master change?

A. You can’t, but if you can go with the flow and become flexible and adaptable, you will feel more in charge of the what’s going on. And always have a plan B, just in case.

About Kate Keenan

Kate has over 20 years experience as a chartered psychologist. She’s also founder of Formulas4Life. Kate is passionate about helping people to perform better and enjoy their work more by providing explanations and frameworks on which they have built both job and personal satisfaction. During her work as facilitator, psychologist, business skills trainer and professional life coach, Kate has accumulated a series of practical and transformative evidence-based strategies designed to help people make the most of their opportunities, both business and personal.

Do you need a whack around the head?

People who need a whack around the head are happily unhappily sleep-walking instead of living; robotically going through the motions of their work, domestic and social lives. They’re people like anyone who has fallen into their career rather than having chosen it. Like anyone who stays in their current unsatisfying job because of the mortgage or they’re too scared to put themselves on the job market line.

You might just be plain old fed-up or suffer from stress, depression or the ‘Monday Morning Blues’. You might even get the fleeting idea ‘there has to be more to life than this!’ But that’s all quickly shoved to the back of your mind for the uncomfortable comfort of staying with the status quo; clutching to the familiar which seems not to demand anything much of you.Wrong!

Same-old same-old demands that you give up your one precious life to be who you were trained to be rather than who you really are! But, hey, it’s so much easier to be comatose than have the courage to make creative changes to improve your experience of yourself and life.

Wrong again!

Boredom, stress, dispiritedness, depression and physical dis-ease are all signs of a life unlived. Making those first baby-steps toward discovering your purpose, passion and power are all you need to begin to wake up and create the life you choose within the life you have – instead of just existing in the one you fell into.

What immediate whack are you hoping to give to your readers?

Well… The immediate whack I can deliver is straight-talking, no-nonsense, no mumbo-jumbo coaching and psychotherapy. That doesn’t mean to say I’m not compassionate or supportive, but, hey, you’ve only got one life (as far as I know), and you deserve to be helped to reclaim your life sooner rather than later.

The idea of being in ongoing therapy for years is ridiculous and only appropriate for some people with particular psychopathologies. Most people are resourceful.

And, when you focus on developing, building and extending your strengths with compassion for what you perceive as your weaknesses, you can certainly and most gloriously turn your life around.

If life is spiralling out of control, how can we reclaim it?

You know, you and I live the illusion we have control over our lives and we make plans assuming we have. Truth is you can’t know what’s going to happen in the next moment let alone the future. In the next minute you might meet the partner of your dreams, tragically lose a loved one, be made redundant, have a chance meeting which changes your life, win the lottery or fall over on a banana skin. Yes, there are minor spirals such as when you feel as if you’re life’s spiralling out of control. I now recognise that feeling as a ‘friend’ telling me I’m involved in too much ‘doing’ and not enough ‘being’. So, I cancel out, cut back, and ensure I get some superb quality chill time pronto.

However, if you assert so much control that you have no opportunity for spontaneity or creativity, it’s likely your life spiralling out of control has a lesson to teach you.

Yes, of course you hate it. Of course you’re going to scrabble to get your illusion of control back. But, the more you try, the more it eludes you.

The best and most critical thing to do is ask yourself the questions:

• “What’s the learning I’m being offered here?”

• “What do I need to help me move creatively through this time and out the other side?”

Then, accept your situation … and just get on with it.

Be warned – times in the past when you have drawn back from confronting the reality that ‘control’ is an illusion will, most likely, have added to your pain. How many times do couples in failing or destructive relationships give it just one more try? How many times have you gone from one similar job to another, despite having little enthusiasm for what you’re doing, to prevent the possibility of that oh so feared ‘spiralling out of control.’

Think of it instead as ‘creative chaos’ and you won’t go far wrong.

Why are we so risk-adverse as a culture – comfort zone

I’m not so sure we are more risk averse as a culture than any other. Human beings in general like to stay with what they know and dislike the thought of changes which takes them out of their ‘comfort zone’.

If we are particularly risk averse as a culture that might have something to do with the British tradition of reserve…the ‘it’s playing the game which counts, not the winning’ attitude. Excuse me. Who wants to be a ‘good egg’ when you could be a winner? It might also be connected to our delight in seeing someone slip on a banana skin… derrr.

So, from the off, we might have risk taking contra-indicated by the idea ’winners’ are somehow infra dig and, even if we do successfully take a risk, there’s always someone waiting for us to fall.

I remember way back in the 80s being in a large training group who just didn’t want to hear my enthusiastic ideas about an innovative project I thought we could create.

The American trainer caught up with a very crestfallen me during the break. “Honey,” she said: “Take no notice. You’d go down a wow in New York!”

Why should we take risks

Without proactively taking risks, you remain same-old same-old and paradoxically run the enormous risk of shrivelling up and atrophying. Operating just like a robot.

Plus, it’s more your natural state to take risks than not take them. When you were a baby did you not risk exploring things with your mouth? Did you not take risks learning to crawl and walk? I watch my 15 month old grand-daughter with amazement because she has the energy of a road runner and is into absolutely everything.

It’s our naturally curious and adventurous spirit to take risks, to learn and grow. A naturally curious and adventurous spirit which can be depressed by ‘Oh be careful, you’ll hurt yourself!’ or ‘You’re just a show off!’ or ‘People will think you’re too big for your boots!’

Every time you attempt something new, you take the risk of succeeding or failing. But if you don’t take risks, you’re never going to experience the pleasure of achievement, of pitting yourself against something and succeeding.

Trying to avoid failure through not takings risks delivers only one thing… a ‘living dead’ life sentence!

How can we rediscover our purpose, passion and power

That really is a big question. If you’ve existed without purpose, passion and power you’ll know exactly why it’s important. It’s all the difference between being a robot, ‘living dead’ in a monochrome stilted movie as opposed to being energetically alive, centre stage in your own vibrantly coloured, panoramic spectacular.

However, the very first step is to start listening to yourself through what you’re feeling emotionally and what sensations you’re experiencing in your body. For example, you’re implementing a policy but there’s a queasy feeling in your stomach or something just doesn’t ‘feel right’.

You’ve been taught, through a primarily mind-oriented education system, to ignore these valuable bits of communication. You’ve been taught to ignore a whole spectrum of your intelligence which enables whole mind processing, getting beyond the ‘who what how’ of logical thinking. When you can get beyond, a rich field of information opens up that can assist your logical mind to function even more effectively.

So, what do you feel sick about with that policy? What precisely doesn’t feel right for you? Is it the way you’re implementing the policy? Is it to do with the policy itself? Or, something else entirely?

Whatever it is, that doesn’t mean you have to stop implementing that policy or get the hell out of that job. All it means is, here is some information for me to learn about how I really tick rather than how I’ve been trained to operate.

As you become more adept at listening to what I call ‘outtyerbox you’, you’ll begin to discern and appreciate your purpose, your raison d’être. This will trigger your passion because, once you know what your purpose is, you cannot not be enthusiastic and inspired. And, lastly, you can learn how to use your power wisely to achieve the best outcomes for yourself and others and to influence with integrity.

What one story can you provide to convince others they “Can do it”

Very early one morning, I dragged myself out of bed thirsty for a drink. As I entered the kitchen, half in stupor, I saw a roaring summer sun flood the room like a deluge. It rebounded off stainless steel and glass, powerfully engulfing my kitchen and a ‘me’ totally in awe.

In that wow moment, I fell to my knees, sobbing with relief. Inside my head, I heard the words: “I’ve been fighting for you.”

For longer than I could remember, I had hardly eaten. Sleep was erratic and sporadic. When I opened my eyes it was always with feelings of dread and terror in my guts.

I had felt trapped with no way out. An unhappy marriage, withdrawn from a degree disillusioned, my identity gone with it, and my then husband failing a business spectacularly, putting our home and family at risk. I was severely depressed and suicidal.

As if I’d been dreaming, my early morning experience brought me to my senses with an almighty bang. It gave me the whack around the head needed to move from inertia to ‘just do something!’ It gave me the momentum to stop killing myself; body, feelings, mind, spirit and soul. “I’ve been fighting for you.”

I’d be lying if I said recovery and moving forward were easy initially. But in that startling new start, my return to good health began.

Instead of disempowering myself and feeling hopeless, I realised there was a way forward, even if I couldn’t quite see it right there and then. I realised I did have the purpose, passion and power to give my life a 360 degree turn…which is what I did.

And so can you.

What’s the alternative of ignoring the whack around the head noises

The effect of ignoring those whack around the head messages is exponentially increasing pain, excellently illustrated by this story…

When the universe has a beneficial lesson to teach you, it knocks on your door to get attention. If you don’t hear it and don’t open your door, the universe goes away and returns with that self-same lesson later. It bangs hard at your door and, if you still don’t open it, the universe retreats once more to gather its forces.

This time, it returns with ferocious pummels and karate kicks causing your door to vibrate, creak and squeal in an alarming way. And, if you still don’t open up to the universe and its lesson for you, it returns for a final coup de grâce.

So, be on alert for tsunami and hurricane-like life events which, in seconds, rip your door off its hinges, fuse all your electrics, burst all your pipes and crumble your foundations to dust.

Now that’s what I call a Grade A, humongous and high velocity ‘whack around the head’!

However, it’s not all bad news.

These potentially devastating and over-whelming experiences are full of potential. Through them, you can reclaim your purpose, passion and power, becoming more of who you really are instead of who you were trained to be.

Remember, when the universe does come calling on your door, you always have the choice to open it straight away rather than later. As the learning is the same, I highly recommend you opt for a little whack around the head rather the big one.

What message can you offer to people who are incredibly resistant to change and deeply embedded in their own misery?

I could pat your hand and say: “Now, now, you poor dear”, but that won’t help you move forward. In fact, that could reinforce you staying in your deeply embedded misery prison. So, my initial message, in the kindest way I can say it, is…

Get your butt into gear!

Either you’re a ‘career victim’ who wallows deliciously in your misery or you’ve been fooled, as many people have, into thinking it’s just too hard, difficult and impossible to change your life for the better. Or, even that you don’t deserve to have a better life. Not so.

Your purpose, passion and power are your birthright and truly just a hair’s breadth away. So, you can either carry on in pain or make an act of will to turn your life around, even if you don’t know exactly how you’re going to do that.

Intention is everything.

As Goethe said: “Seize this very minute; what you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” And, once you make that choice, you’ll begin to see all kinds of opportunities and people who can help that you’d never noticed before.

So, take the first tiny, baby step forward, whatever that is for you. Then, keep moving and you’ll be surprised and delighted by what happens. Even though, at times, it might be two steps forward and one back, you’ll learn that you can gloriously create your life more in line with the one you want!

Sharon Eden is an Inner Leadership Coach and Psychotherapist.

She is author of Whack Around The Head PURPOSE PASSION POWER at work right now! ecademyPRESS. Contact Sharon for coaching via www.sharoneden.biz

She says: “You seem to have lost your way a bit. You’re stuck in a rut and feel like you’re going nowhere. Your confidence and self esteem are low. Sometimes you even think you might not be up to the job. Maybe you know you’ve got a lot to offer yet you just can’t show it however hard you try. Or maybe you see others surging forward and wonder why you’re not one of them when you know you could be. Or maybe you can’t put into words exactly what’s going on with you. Sensing something’s not quite right, difficulties, dissatisfactions, frustrations, stress, disappointments or even downright disillusionment…

“Yet somewhere inside you’ll know exactly what you need to turn your life around…You’ll know how to feel at ease with yourself and your role. You’ll know how to create a positive way forward for yourself and others. You’ll know precisely how your Inner Leader can add pizzazz to your life, the life you yearn for. Imagine how it could be with you naturally confident, clear about your direction and how to get there. Imagine how good you could feel welcoming challenges and the great opportunities which come with them. Imagine how different you could be, to wake up in the morning and know you’re successfully achieving what you want in life.”

He argues that if you’re finding work a burden, you’re fizzling out, and becoming mentally exhausted – you need to get out now before it’s too late. “Don’t get caught up in a career trap. Fear is all about the imagined of a perceived future that’s not real,” states Chris. “Take control before your career change is thrust upon you.”

If you dare to take a risk in your career, get yourself out of your current predicament, no matter how scary that seems, and lose the fear of walking into the unknown, you’re suddenly presented with new opportunities you could never imagine possible. This is Chris’s story.

Take a leap of faith

“When I walked away from the city, it was a watershed moment,” admits Chris. “In the heyday of the 80s, it was incredibly exciting to be on the trading floor dealing in the futures market. A few years on, I realised I was partying to forget about work. I thought: ‘if I carry on, I could easily crack up – just like the others who I’d seen burn out and been signed off with stress – never to be seen again’. I thought ‘this isn’t me’ so I decided to drop out. It’s when I look back now that I see this was when I started to grow up.”

Chris didn’t have a clue about what to do next in his career, so he decided to volunteer. He jokes: “I had to do something to fill my day at that point.” While the image of a city trader conjures up images of the super wealthy flashing their wads of cash, this wasn’t the case for Chris. He became a lot less comfortable financially, but he was also single and had no dependents at that time. To supplement his meagre savings, he started dealing second hand, rare and antiquarian books at weekends and took in a lodger to help with the mortgage. This gave him the breathing space he needed.

Chris dropped in on his local Volunteer Service office and spent the next six months volunteering with various charities. He worked with the elderly through Age Concern, then with young people through The Prince’s Trust and ended up working with adults who had disabilities via Bridge Partnership. “I knew that my change of career involved working with people. I knew it had to be something totally different to the City. I knew I had to give something back. Bridge Partnership was the one that felt right.”

Bridge Partnership – eye opener

Bridge Partnership runs training programmes, based on experiential learning for managers. Top executives and leaders from industry have to lead, manage and work alongside other groups ranging from disaffected youths from underprivileged backgrounds, children from the ‘at risk register’, kids and adults with disabilities, the long-term unemployed, main stream school children and students.

The leaders on the courses are then set projects and tasks. They are in charge of one of the groups that they have been planted with. The courses are deliberately designed to take executives out of their bubble and put them into challenging situations to test them under different environments they would never normally come across in their daily working life and with people they would be unlikely to meet elsewhere. Set projects could include; devising a radio show, designing a sweet shop or visiting a local hospice and lead a group of kids to interview both the staff and residents about what could be done to improve the lives of the people living there. Coaches from Bridge then observe the team’s leadership styles and behaviours, and then feedback in follow up sessions with the managers.

Chris recalls: “You couldn’t have got two more contrasting environments. I had just come from a culture of greed where people made money from other people’s misfortune. I entered into this totally alien world where the two founders, Jerry Connor and Lee Sears, as well as the staff, were focused on emotionally intelligent leadership, diversity and inclusion. They didn’t wear shirts or ties either. At first sight I thought ‘what a bunch of tree hugging, crystal gazing hippies’,” says Chris with honesty. “I couldn’t have been more mistaken in my assumptions though. I was spellbound by the whole thing. It was eye opening – an epiphany.”

During that time, he worked with executives who were suited and booted BMW types who took the management training courses. He says: “I witnessed many executives go through a complete transformation.” Chris now describes the type of learning these executives were exposed to for the first time as ‘providing the human side of management’.

“Looking back, I realise when I came out of city life I was not the most rounded person,” says Chris. “I found myself being treated with respect – I wasn’t accustomed to that.” After six months of volunteering, he was then offered the chance to deliver their employability programme, running their training courses – which he welcomed with both arms at a reduced salary for the next three years. “The guys at Bridge let me develop their employability programme and I took it to London where, in addition to working with adults with disabilities, we brought in people recovering from substance abuse, ex-offenders and anyone identified by Jobcentre plus as ‘harder to help’.

Flying free – controlling your own future

During this time Bridge was expanding rapidly. Bridge decided to focus on the corporate activity and offered Chris outright ownership of the employability element of the business. “This was very much the Bridge way. They let me learn, develop and grow as a trainer and as a person and then, when I was ready, they let me fly free.

“Bridge taught me so much. They taught me to learn, to care, to strive, to listen and to grow. Good practice for us all, I think. They also taught me the importance of anticipation and planning.”

Parting with Bridge in 1999, Chris went on to work on employability programmes and outplacement projects all over the UK. In 2003 he started providing risk mitigation consultancy to the UK’s largest mortgage insurer. In 2006 he started providing an RPO service to the UK’s largest construction infrastructure business. Chris now focuses on Cost and Waste Reduction for UK businesses.

Don’t wait for a career bashing

“I now meet around 20 executives a month who are out of work because they’ve been made redundant. Many of these people find themselves lost because they’ve been slaving away in a career that they don’t like any more and are often left shell-shocked, not knowing where to turn. Chris provides a warning for those of you who have reached a point where you know you need to move on, but can’t quite face up to the reality.

The monkey nut story

In the jungles of South America, the spider monkeys go wild over a particular nut. They can smell it miles off. The hunters create a narrow hollow in a tree trunk and place the nut inside. The monkey will then place their hand in to reach the nut, but then their hand gets trapped because it’s too big to pull it back out and the monkey is stuck. The hunter then bashes the monkey over the head. The career analogy here is if you get trapped, it’s only a matter of time before you get bashed on the head by the hunter.

Thoughts of a career changer

“Don’t hang around,” advises Chris. “Consider forward planning your exit; if you need to re-train, go to night school, look at setting up your own business at weekends, and do your market research. For example, I once knew a guy who worked for Deutsche bank; he went to night school to re-train himself and then started his business up at weekends. He took redundancy from the day job, filled his pockets with cash and had a business to walk straight in to.

“There’s a lot of hocus pocus career advice out there, typically designed to provide a quick fix or help you part with a fee. Super tankers don’t just change course. They are so big they have to calculate the turn from miles out and implement it gradually. Your career is the same.

“It was luck that I fell in with Bridge, and they gave me the confidence to change career direction and become a better person. Take your head out of the sand and have a plan.”